Day 49 – Monday December 29th 2008

I am having a sad day today.  Nothing in particular, just everything in general.  I think I am just tired of living life around the joy of visits to Eva and the sadness of her not being with me other times.  I’m cross that I’m not pregnant anymore but neither do I have a baby with me.  I thought that preparing for her to come home would make me feel better but I think we started it too early.  Today even when I visited her I felt we hardly spent anytime with her between doctors rounds, eye tests, xrays of other children and expressing.

We also had Sarah as a nurse today for the first time.  I am not very good when things change so this also threw me. Other nurses know that we like to do everything for her but this nurse had done stuff before we got there.  Andrew suggested that it should be written down what the parent’s preferences are.  I laughed and explained that this piece of paper does exist in Eva’s file but no one writes on it and thus no one reads it!  If only the pieces of paper were useful.

Also today was eye test day.  Eva’s eyes are fine which is great. This means that today premature babies that have been discharged early come back to see the ophthalmologist.  It was really hard to see all these parents with their babies only making me crave some more the feeling of taking her home.  

I am getting sick of expressing.  I really want to keep going so that I can breast feed Eva but I am getting frustrated that it is time away from her.  It is time meant to be time spent with her and bonding with her.  Hopefully we can start trying soon.  The sucking reflex should become more developed over the next two weeks.  We videoed her sucking her thumb today, which is great progress.

We have just returned from visiting Eva this evening, which was much better.  No interruptions and Andrew had a lovely cuddle.  Eva took 1ml from the syringe with an improved sucking and swallowing action.  She is now up to 19mls 2 hourly.  I am feeling much calmer now (a beer and some chocolate may have helped!).

The good news is that Eva is totally oblivious to her mother’s mood swings and continues to be stable.  James, the consultant, is very happy with her progress.  Eva’s weight is 1120g today, which is static.  He suggested that this isn’t likely to be related to Eva being off of CPAP but more likely due to the diuretics messing up the concentrations of salts in her little body.  James feels if she is managing alright there is no need for her to go back onto CPAP.  Thus the plan is that Eva is to remain off of CPAP unless she is in distress.  This is very exciting news so please pray for her lungs and body to stay strong and continue to breathe for herself.  Also he wants her to stay in the humidicrib for longer than she really requires so she doesn’t have to use too much energy keeping herself warm.

Today and for the rest of the week it is 2 degrees as a maximum temperature!  At least it is sunny though which makes it better.  I spoke to Gram in Perth today where it was 39 degrees and uncomfortable!  A dramatic contrast.  These cold days always remind me of Queenstown (NZ) where this would have been a great skiing day!

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